


The Black Mark

by sweetkid



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, yutae
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-24 17:07:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21781444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetkid/pseuds/sweetkid
Summary: Taeyong and Yuta. Yuta and Taeyong.Taeyong hated smiling. Yuta only knew how to smile.Yuta hated fighting. Taeyong only knew how to fight.Finger were pointed at me, looks were thrown at me and mocking laughs were caused by me. I was walking. On the same street where I took my first step, the same street I took to school everyday and the same street where I lingered at night. Except this time someone was by my side. Taking each step with me. One by one. Hand in hand. Shoulder to shoulder.
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 20
Kudos: 71





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time ever I'm trying to write a story.  
> Please take that into the consideration while reading this!  
> I'm sorry for any mistakes that I might have done. UWU
> 
> Please enjoy!!

I'm late again, but what's new? They will stare again, the teacher will blab again and my mother will cry again. Sorry not sorry. It isn't my fault my soulmate mark is black. So dark. Where no colour shines. It's not my fault. But it's fine, I never wanted anyone. I never needed anyone. 

Silent murmurs are filling the empty halls, science, maths, english and what not. I open the door. No murmurs, no nothing. There is only deafening silence.

1...2...3...4...5...

"-yellow conveys the happiness. Van Gogh ate yellow paint to be happy. What does the colour yellow mean to you? This is the essay you will be working on in today's lesson."

Ignored once again. I walk to my seat, at the end of the row. In the corner, far away from everyone else. No one is next to me, no one is in front of me and one is behind me. No one wants to be there or anywhere around me. Sigh. Hmmm. What is yellow to me? Yellow. A sickening yellow. Old, foul, sickly and smelly. That's what yellow reminds me of. While black...

Ahh. What am I doing? What am I doing here? Wasting my sleep to waste their time. My head is resting on the table. It's cold and hard. With writings on it and carvings. 'Nice' words that lull me to sleep... very nice words. 

SLAM!

I'm awakened from this loud noise but I don't move. I stay there in the same position, head down and eyes closed. 

The door opens. The headmaster is standing there, rigidly, up right and not sparring any glance to the class he steps in. "I have a good news." he announces. "Starting from today we will have a new exchange student from Japan!" There are claps and grunts echoing on the four walls of the small room. Guys are expecting a cute Japanese girl and the girls are expecting an anime boy, and some don't care. My head is still on the table. I don't move because I don't care. I don't need to see the next pair of eyes clouded with judgement and disgust.

Creak. the door is opened wider. Soft steps and silence replace the previous noise. The tension is high. Breaths are held. Heartbeats are stopped. 

"Hello, my name is Yuta. I'm from Japan, please take care of me." The words are softly spoken by a sincere and shy voice. There is no arrogance or malice. Girly screams are thrown into the air, shooting question after question. 

BANG! 

The ruler hits the table roughly. "Silence, silence. Please help Yuta with his korean and Yuta don't hesitate to ask for anything. Go back to the task and concentrate. Yuta, you can sit... there! At the back there are a few unoccupied seats, just choose one and get started on the essay too."  
He is coming closer, the chair in front of me is being moved and with a thud he sits down... next to me. 

Eyes are focused on me or maybe him. Judgemental eyes. Pitiful eyes. Disgusted eyes. Even the teacher has stopped explaining.  
A laugh bubbles inside of me. Poor boy, he is going to regret this. I can feel the unsure aura around him. His eyes glancing around. But surprise surprise, you just made the biggest mistake of your life. Because... unattained things should remain unattained;

I feel a tap on my shoulder. I ignore it. Another tap. I ignore it again. Another tap and no I can't ignore it again, so I sit up and startle the boy next to me. He puts a hand on his chest and breaths and then... laughs?! My emotionless eyes look at him, wait for him to finish but his laugh doesn't end. I can already see the rest of the eyes focused on me, on him again. I look at him once more and get ready to return to my previous position, but a sudden "wait" stops me. I stare at him and he beams at me while stretching his hand towards me. "I'm Yuta, nice to meet you." My eyes move from his smiling face to the hand in front of me, one last look and I turn away. Whispers are already in the air, exclamations of "someone stop him" "what is he doing?". His stare is still on me when a voice of one of the girls tell him, warn him "Don't bother with him. It's better if you stay away from him."   
As she is nicely informing him, the bell rings and everyone scurries away to the cafeteria to get a table.


	2. Chapter 2

Everyone has left the room without waiting for anyone, running and pushing each other to get the food and a table. A table that is not at the back, where you will be isolated by the rest... I don't need to rush, it's always there for me. He is still there, sitting with a smile on his face. A less luminous smile. His eyes meet mine and he smiles again. "Are you shy?" Now, I want to laugh! Me and shy? "Taeyong. My name." I say lowly. He whispers my name softly as if he is practising it, as he will say that name for a long time. Why did I tell my name to him? Why did I even address a word to him? I pick my discarded bag from the floor and get ready to leave. I am done with this. But again he interferes, and asks the most funny thing ever "Can I join you for lunch?", his eyes look expectantly at me as if I will cave in and say yes. Why is he even doing this? My head fills with questions, unanswerable questions. Without turning around I speed out of the classroom. 

The previous silent halls now are filled with laughter and shouts. I make my way through the tables and silencing everyone as I pass next to them, to reach thar empty table in the end. As soon as I sit down, as if they are taken out of a trance they start eating and talking again. My table faces the window, a good view to see, a clean bright red brick wall with a few patches of mould. I like that wall. All my thoughts and imaginations have been portrayed on it. Lost in my mind I don't realise the silence that is once again surrounding me. My eyes are trained on the window, where I see my reflection, my black hair more visible than the rest of my pale face. That is me. It will always be me. Next to my reflection I see another movement, the side profile of... Yuta?! I blink and stare again at the window, my eyes are not playing games at me. He is there, on my table. Regaining consciousness the complete silence and shock on the others' faces hit me. Surprised I look at Yuta, expecting an explanation of his actions. Like before, he just smiles, as if what he did is completely normal. He doesn't look around or question others eyes on him, he is looking at me. With a different spark in his eyes, he simple says "You didn't say no." as if that explains everything. I remind myself again that he is new, he doesn't know th dynamics in this school, he doesn't know the truth yet. 

I take a deep breath and calmly tell him "Leave". Maybe I could have worded it better and told him that 'kid you are gonna ruin your life of you don't leave now', ruining his life is a bit of an exaggeration but everyone in this school, in this city behaves that way. All because of a colour.   
He blinks and says "I don't understand. I'm from Japan, Konnichiwa." Am I a joke to him? Does he think we are doing a comedy? A comedy where no one laughs and give you careful looks. "Leave" I say once again but in Japanese. He looks surprised but not hurt. My words weren't harsh, just exhausted. "Why don't you want to be my friend?" he asks me with pure curiosity. I'm not the one who doesn't want to be your friend, but you. You won't want to be my friend once the truth is out. "You don't want to be my friend" I state, because it is a fact. A fact that he can't deny in the future.   
His smiling face morphs into something else once the words are registered by him. With a glare he questions "Who are you to decide who I want to be friends with?" Not expecting no reaction from he, he closes his eyes and breaths. Maybe he is trying to calm himself or maybe he just realised the mistake he was about to do. With a more determined face he tells me "I want to be your friend Taeyong and no one can stop me. Not even you." the past shy and timid persona replaced with a distinct fire. 

What am I supposed to say to that? Take my shirt off ans show him the mark? The reason of why him being my friend, even talking to is a big problem? "Do what you want." I whisper as i get up and leave. That is my warning to him, maybe he will understand why I'm so against it. Nearly out of the door and I hear everyone screaming Yuta's name, questioning him and explaining to him. 

Explaining to him that my mark isn't in one of the seven colours, Red - love and passion, Pink - caring and feminine, Orange - cheerfulness and creativity, Yellow - happiness and comfort, Green - nature and harmony, Blue - peace and loyalty, and Purple - power and elegance. These seven colours represent your characteristics, your true self. Once you meet your soulmate, once they realise these characteristics and fall in love, their name will replace the mark. 

The marks complete each other, for example, if someone has petals their soulmate would have the stem. If someone has the sun, their soulmate would have the rays of the sun. If someone had a moon the other will have the stars. 

My mark is black, the colour of the night, the colour of death. That's why everyone avoid me, pity me or are scared of me. They believe I can kill someone. I will hurt someone. I know I would never do it, but this mark, this colour represents me. My true self. 

I am walking, pondering on these thoughts when I hear footsteps rushing behind me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear peeps please let me know your thoughts on this!!  
> I hope I don't lose the concept so tell me if you want to change something or   
> if there are any suggestions!!
> 
> ENJOY!! Get some instant noodles and a soda on the side UWU


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY I'VE BEEN ABSENT  
> I was having the time of my life during the holidays  
> Yes I am bragging deal with it!!
> 
> Please keep loving and waiting for this shitty story UWU

I don’t even need to turn around to know who those footsteps belong to. It’s like he has made it his mission to become friends, but it’s not that easy. This friendship will never flourish between us, between me and him. Never. I don’t know how to convince him to give up. To just give up without questioning, without a bit of hesitation. His heavy breath suggests that he is struggling to keep up with my pace, the way he will always struggle if he does become my friend. I get ready to speed up even more when I feel a hand hastily grabbing the back of my shirt. This puts me into a halt, the shock from the sudden stop freezes me. I don’t know what to do, Should I shrug him off and bolt down the hallway like Usain Bolt (I am sorry… I think I’m high on stress) or turn around and give him a chance to explain?

Meanwhile, I am contemplating between these two options, Yuta has taken it up on himself and stood in front of me. He is bent over, hands on his knees trying to recover his breath. I stare at him, trying to look for what makes him so stupid.

“Listen Taeyong I want to be your friend and you will let me or I am going to keep bothering you forever!” He says with determined eyes. (Don’t question why his Korean is fluent af… it’s a fic)

A sigh escapes me before I can stop it and consider a better way to make him understand. Maybe I will tell him, show him my soulmate mark and leave him to run as far as he can from me. But I can’t. I’m not strong enough to face another shocked face, another cry and another pain. Maybe I can give him a chance, see how long he can last, survive the careful and fearful looks that are thrown at him, which will be thrown at Yuta too. I look at him, see his expecting eyes and that smile again.

“Okay.” I lowly say.

He seems shocked, as if he never actually expected an answer from me. As if he was ready for the disappointment. His surprise lasts short and he is suddenly screaming and shouting as if his team won the Olympics. (This is the moment where Taeyong should feel scared, because the crackheadness hidden behind Yuta’s smile is… something) He abruptly turns towards Taeyong with open arms, ready to hug him (read: strangle him… with love) but Taeyong’s one look stops him midway, without ruining Yuta’s mood at all.

“We still have some time left before lunch ends, let’s eat together and celebrate our first day of friendship!” He nothing but screams down my ear.

The excitement is rolling off of him like waves. Strong waves, the perfect ones to surf in a hot summer day in one of the beaches at the coast of California. I’m still recuperating from the change in him, the soft steps and the timid boy that entered the class this morning is nowhere to be seen. Yuta feels like a whole new person. But it fits him, the smile, the loudness and laughter is just Yuta. My arm is grabbed and I’m dragged towards the canteen. Once again, the door open and after recognising who is there, the silence fills again. I sigh and take my arm back from Yuta, who seems taken back from the silence and the look. I quietly make my way to the back table and wait for Yuta. As if suddenly realizing that Taeyong left, Yuta rushes towards him, nearly tripping and colliding with the tables and chairs. With a newfound seriousness Yuta stares at me and comes closer, close enough that he is the only thing that I can see at the moment. He moves closer, turns his face towards my ear and whispers “Are you a gangster?”

The tension leaves my body and I want to laugh. What? He thought I am a gangster or in some other gang and that’s why everyone is so conscious of me. I want to laugh, a humorless laugh. I wish that was the reason, the reason behind everyone’s fear. But it isn’t. I shake my head. He pouts, and goes on about how cool it would have been if I was in a gang and had someone who was chasing me and he could have become my right hand man and guns firing everywhere and we standing in the middle or something. (I am confused with what the hell I’m writing too, if anyone gets this> hats off to you).

I pick his half-eaten sandwich and stuff it in his mouth. He looks surprised and then teary? Is he choking on the sandwich? Should I have not done that? But then he is chewing it down and wiping his tears. Once the food is swallowed, he holds my hand and says “No one has ever fed me like you. Wow. I’m touched. I knew you were special.” I am still staring (that’s how tae breaths, eats, smiles, cries and talks… by staring) at him when the bell goes off. Lunch has ended. Everyone is rushing again but less excitedly to their lessons.

“Get up Taeyong!! I’m going to be late to the lesson on my first day.” He whines hurriedly.

“I’m not going.” I declare.

“We have P.E. next. Do you think I can survive that all alone by myself? Look at my innocent eyes!! Taeyoooong!” Yuta carries on with his drama.

Exasperated I get up and swiftly tell him to go. Calmly, too calmly I walk towards the gym. They are still doing the register and without knocking or looking at anyone I enter and stand next to the wall. Yuta is still stood at the door, looking back and forth between the line of the students, the teacher and me. On his next glance at me, I shake my head as an indication of not following me.

He bows and apologizes to the teacher. “I am sorry, I am the new student, Yuta. I didn’t know the way to the gym and asked Taeyong for help.”

“That’s why he showed up to today’s lesson. I don’t care if you are new or not, did you only find that boy to ask help from? Get in line!”

I knew that Yuta being with me will affect him. His head is down. Is he regretting ‘being my friend’? Or is he upset that he got scolded? As I’m pondering on these thoughts a shrill voice screams towards me.

“Do I need to send an invitation card for you to get into the line?”

“I don’t have a change.”

At the corner I see Yuta raising his hand, “I didn’t know we had P.E. today, I don’t have my P.E. kit either.”

“Stop making excuses! The next time I see you without your kits, you both will be in the detention room! Go look in the storage room, you might find something.”

Yuta looks relieved.

Everyone’s eyes are on me, waiting for me to do something. I don’t know, am I about to do a magic trick and I myself didn’t know about it? Maybe say PUFF and disappear? I turn around and make my way towards Yuta and stand next to him. Even the teacher looks surprised that I am in the line. I just don’t understand. Are they exaggerating their reactions? I am a good student; I mean I was a good student. I don’t think I’ve ever done something, like shouting or breaking a bench and be like I’m leaving. I haven’t, so, what are these reactions?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I haven't disappointed you guys!!
> 
> Share any ideas of how I can improve this if you'd like!!
> 
> New ideas are always welcome.
> 
> It's not much but it's something.


	4. Chapter 4

As soon the teacher dismisses the class, everyone scurries away to the changing rooms. I watch everyone leaving the sport’s hall, their steps echoing on the walls and slowly silencing with the closing door. Yuta turns to me and asks me to show him the storage room and without saying anything I pick my bag and get out. He is following me silently, maybe he is tired or still intimidated by the teacher. The storage room is at the end of the hallway, darkly lit and dirty. It has some cleaning equipment which has never been used and all the lost clothes in the bin. Yuta is carefully stepping into the room, his eyes wondering to every corner of the room while trying to not touch anything.

“What is this? Has anyone even ever stepped into this room? It’s disgusting!”

His sudden exclamation breaks the silence. I look around the room and notice all the spider webs and piles of dust on everything. I walk towards the bin in the right corner of the room, as I’m rummaging through, Yuta is still stupefied by the condition of the room. The clothes are all used, the smell of the different body odors of the students mixing together. I find two shirts and a pair of shorts, the rest being only leggings or skirts. I guess I will wear my uniform trousers and it’s not like I’m actually going to do anything. I turn around and gesture for Yuta to take the shirts and shorts. He takes them making a face filled with repulse, it’s the smell.

“You can take a shower later.” I shortly tell him.

At this he seems a bit relieved. Closing the door behind, we walk towards the changing rooms, the boys one on the left and the girls one on the right. There are only a few students left, meaning most of the class is already ready. My locker is the last one, I like it. There aren’t many eyes looking this way, I’m hidden from the others’ view. As a lost puppy, Yuta follows me till my locker and smiling sheepishly says:

“I haven’t been assigned a locker yet. Can I put my stuff in yours?”

Sighing, I open my locker and surprisingly see my pe kit in there. I could have forgotten it the last time I came here, which was in a long time and maybe that’s why I’ve forgotten. I take my pe kit and get ready to change. There is only the locker door in between us. Without any other words exchanged I change into the clothes and so does Yuta. I pick my bag and the uniform and stuff it into the locker, now waiting for Yuta to do the same.

“What do you usually do in PE?” Yuta asks curiously.

How would I know? I haven’t been here, I’m never here. I shrug. Yuta starts rambling about what he used to do in Japan. How he used to love playing basketball and football.

“I hope we play basketball, that would be fun!” Yuta exclaims.

“Hurry up, you two! Start warming up like everyone else.”

I crack my neck and shoulders. Yuta screaming at the sound.

“STOP IT! Are you crazy? Do you want to break a bone?” Yuta shouts looking horrified.

Gasps fill the hall. Waiting for me to do something. Something not nice. Their eyes are looking at me, expectantly. What do they want? Fire coming out of my hand and burning Yuta alive? Punch him? I just stare blankly at him, opposite to what the others wished for. I blink and crack my fingers. Yuta squirms and cringes. Looking at me as if I’ve just committed a crime. But his stare is different from the one the others’ look at me with. They eyes are filled with fear, as if I will kill them. Yuta is looking at me as if he will kill me.

“This is not warming up! Warming up is to awaken your muscles. Start running now, in your place!” Yuta orders.

He urges me to follow his lead and stand there running. Half-heartedly I follow him. He smiles at me, a smile of ‘good job’.

“Today, we will play dodge ball. This will improve your reflex actions. Co-ordinate your hands, feet and eyes. Remember anything over the shoulders doesn’t count and be careful of other parts too. You will be divided into two teams, choose two people as leaders!”

Whispers fill the hall, as people are excitedly announcing who they want to be with and how much they want to win. There are annoyed voices as well, who are upset over the fact that their new manicure would get damaged.

“I hope we are in the same team. It will be fun. We can be the last two players standing and then be the winners.”

It’s not going to be fun. Either they are going to target only me, or they are going to stay as far away as they can from me. In a way, I could be one of the last players standing.

It’s been over 5 minutes and they still haven’t decided on the team leaders. It’s a futile discussion to waste time. Even Yuta seems bored at this.

“Omg! Just do rock, paper and scissors! Is it that hard?” Yuta says exasperatedly.

His comment is not directed to anyone, just intended to be heard by only us.

“As Yuta said, let’s do rock, paper and scissors! Everyone of you will play! Come here and stand in a large circle!”

Yuta seems shocked at his name. Everyone else have stopped to contemplate this idea, they nod along in agreement.

Yuta drags me to where everyone is standing, and a big space is made for us. For me. There is at least a meter’s distance between me and the other student. Yuta coughs awkwardly as if to dissolve the situation.

“Rock! Paper! Scissors!”

3 are out.

“Rock! Paper! Scissors!”

7 are out.

“Rock! Paper! Scissors!”

1 is out.

“Rock! Paper! Scissors!”

In the end, two people have remained. Someone and Yuta. Yuta seems happy about it. I guess it’s his competitiveness. I knew what was going to come next, choosing the team players. Yuta is already looking at me, hopeful and content. As soon as Yuta says my name, most of the class shuffles to the other side. Clearly showing no interest in being Yuta’s team. Because of me. I can’t change anything, and neither can they. There are some ready to protest as Yuta points at them, but as their eyes catch mine they stop and slowly walk behind Yuta.

The game has started. No one passes the ball to me and no one throws the ball to me. As long as Yuta is away from me, he is involved in the game. They let him play. Absentmindedly, I start walking to the back.

“TAEYONG! THE BALL!”

Yuta’s scream startles me and I see him passing the ball to me. I catch it and look around. The opposite team is standing immobile, shocked by Yuta’s doings. They are nit going to move or dodge, with a perfect aim their team leader is out. Done that, I walk out.

I want to walk out from Yuta’s life too. Or for him to walk out of mine. He is going to be associated with me. His whole life will be tainted by my name, by my fate. He should keep away. He should stay as far away as he can from me. He should give the same looks as the others whenever I pass by. To feel scared or disgusted, or whatever the others feel. Because of me his life will be ruined. Any opportunity that might come for him will be stopped because of me. His happiness will disappear because of me. I know it. He won’t be judged or seen for what and who is he, but for being my friend, for being in my vicinity.

I feel nauseous. A bitter taste in my mouth. It’s the taste of guilt. Without doing anything I feel guilty. These are the benefits of being me. Without doing anything I will be condemned. I will be the one responsible for the suffering of the ones who care for me, who love me.

I can’t let Yuta get attached. This will be the last time I will talk to him. The last chance he had of talking to me. I can’t survive knowing he will be unhappy because of me. He doesn’t need me. I am not important enough to ruin his life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My moods always affect the story. This time I wasn't in a good mood and I hope that won't ruin this.  
> I hope you guys will still look forward to the story and let me know of any errors or improvements I could make.
> 
> Thank you for all those sweet souls leaving the nice comments. They make my day!!
> 
> Hopefully you enjoyed this! 
> 
> I am on twitter as well @nctukiyo


	5. Chapter 5

The frustration is crippling on my skin. I don’t know what to do. With a loud smack I slam the locker door and leave. But to where? Just like before a hand grabs my elbow and spins me around. Yuta. He looks dishevelled, sweat making his hair cling to his forehead and nostrils flared.

“Why did you leave?” he grits out of his teeth.

Maybe he is angry with me. Or maybe he is frustrated, just like me. But right now I can’t amuse him or entertain him.

“Not now.” My voice comes out calmer than I thought it would be but also harsher than what I thought it would be.

Today is just not my day. Truthfully, I guess it wasn’t from the day I came to light or should I say when my mark came to light. I was a monster. That small, scrawny kid was a monster. And even today I’m still a monster. Only a monster.

“You can’t be like this every time! No one said anything this time! So why are you still making such a big scene? Why don’t you even try to be nice once? They would lik-“

“I AM TIRED OF TRYING. GET THE FXCK AWAY FROM ME!”

Sigh.

“You don’t know me Yuta. And you don’t know them either. You don’t want to deal with this? Is this not fun anymore? Then don’t interfere in my life. This is the last time you will ever say that shit to me, and it’s the last chance I’m giving you to leave. So, leave, before I make you regret your whole life.”

I shouted. I raised my voice. In school. For the first time in my whole life and it’s all because of Yuta. How dare he go off about all that? Didn’t he see? Is he that ignorant? My life isn’t colored in pink. It isn’t the way his is. My world isn’t bright and happy. Maybe, this is why I am a monster. Behind Yuta’s teary eyes there is something, something very familiar. Very similar to what I get every day. Fear.

This is not what was supposed to happen. He is scared of me. I scared him. They fear in his eyes it’s because of me.

While, Taeyong is troubled by this realization, Yuta is slowly raising his hand. His hand is trembling. He gulps. Leaves a shaky breath. But slowly brings his hand up. Towards Taeyong’s face. He gently brushes his hand on Taeyong’s face, trembling fingers settling on his cheeks, trying to regain energy, trying to steady them. Maybe Taeyong hasn’t felt the hand on his face yet, or maybe he is frozen from the touch. But, Taeyong is standing there, unmoving, just small breath coming out.

“W-what happened Taeyong? Why-y are you like… Calm down… p-please l-look ar m-me.” Yuta’s words are whispered into the air.

Did Taeyong hear him? Is he just ignoring him? Yuta brings his other hand on Taeyong’s face too and wipes his thumb under his eyes. Wiping away the stray tears that left. The raw frustration and hate behind those words. But there was desperation too and this is the evidence of that desperation.

I feel his hand on my face, delicately holding my face. His hands are soft and light, the heat is grazing my face. I- What is he doing? The next part shocks me even more. What is he doing? I raise my head, my eyes yet not meeting his. But the moment I feel his thumbs under my eyes, I get it. I’m crying. Why am I crying? What is happening? Again, he whispers for me to look at him and this time I do. My eyes meet his. They still hold the same emotion from before. Fear. Why is he doing this? Why is he doing this if he is scared?

“Tae what happened? Stop crying. I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.” Yuta says softly while looking into Taeyong’s eyes.

I can’t believe what is happening. What is Yuta saying? I try to take some deep breaths, trying to stop these tears that fall one by one. But their track is limited, they are stopped by Yuta’s hands. Which are still on my face. Which I didn’t realize. In a second I’m moving away from him, his hands still in the air.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

I’m asking him, but more than that I want to know, what am I doing? Taking control over my composure, my eyes hardening, I look at him. Waiting for him to answer me. To say something To explain to me, why is this happening? But he doesn’t say what I want to know.

“I’m sorry. I got upset and I- I am sorry.”

Like a broken record Yuta seems stuck on that sentence. On those two words. Even when he wasn’t at fault. Not even once. It’s my fault.

“Taeyong… please talk to me? I’m scared, I don’t know what is happening. I’m sorry.”

“if you are scared then leave. I told you before, this is the last time I’m going to ask you to leave. And stop apologizing.”

“Why should I leave? I’m not scared. At least not scared of you. I-I was- am just- scared for you. You seemed really… sad.”

What? He was scared… for me? For? Maybe this time my face gives more than a reaction, because even he looks startled from my startled face. I know my eyes are wide open. I am shocked. In my shocked state I don’t see him moving again. See him coming closer. With only a step distancing us. His arm going to my shoulders. His face coming closer. And- ouch my chin hitting his shoulder. He is hugging me? One of his arm is on my shoulder the other around my neck. His face in my shoulder. Taking shuddering breaths. Trying to calm himself down. And before I realize it… my arms are around his waist. Bringing him even closer. Tightening my hold. And another stream of tears coming out of my eyes. All dropping silently on his shoulder, soaking the cloth of his t-shirt.

After a pause, as if suddenly electrocuted my arm fall from around him. A big breath escapes me. And I blink. Yuta also raises his head from my shoulder but doesn’t move away. Just softly breaths out an “are you ok?”

I blink once again and gently shrug his arms from around me, and after taking a step back, I nod at him. He gives a nod back.

“uhm I should probably take a shower and change… ha ha ha.. oh what was the pin for the locker?” Yuta says while scratching his head. A pink tint coloring his ears.

“0107”

“Ok. So, I’m leaving. I will see you tomorrow.” Yuta says hurriedly and before Taeyong can say anything runs back towards the changing room.

Yuta left. Taeyong is still standing there, looking at where once Yuta was stood. He should leave too. 

I shake my head, regaining my consciousness back and turn around to finally leave this building. And without looking back I start moving towards the school entrance.

Meanwhile, two start in the universe met. A spark happened. And a change happened. Taeyong didn’t feel the tingles. The tingles on his chest. Just above the heart. Where his mark is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think after this chapter something is going to happen... i don't know what yet but something will happen. 
> 
> ENJOY!!
> 
> Twitter @nctukiyo


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING SO LATE AND INACTIVE BUT I HAD MY EXAMS!  
> HMM, SO I KINDA PASSED AS I GOT A B, BUT I NEED BETTER SO IMMA PROCRASTINATE AND CRY TILL GOD HELPS ME!
> 
> Don't follow my steps! Study and work hard! Be happy and worry less!
> 
> I hope you guys like this... there is a little more info on Taeyong sksks
> 
> Bye have fun and good night xoxo

Often people forget that if there is bad in the world then there is good to. Often, they forget that they are not perfect, they are not solely good and there is no one who is solely bad. But that is ignored, they forget that there is bad in good and good in bad, they erase the good in bad.

Just like this they never saw the good in me, their eyes only focused on my mark, on the colour of my mark. I used to love my mark when I was young, I remember being proud of it, happy that it was so unique and beautiful. But I always misunderstood when mum said to never let anyone see it, to keep it far away from their eyes. To keep this a secret between myself and her, to keep it special.

However, one day one eye caught the mark, the colour and in seconds everything changed. My friends left me or whatever they were at the age of 5, I had no one to play with, everyone stayed away from me, the teachers never said anything to me, neither good nor bad things, and for the first time I was left alone in this world.

Alone. My mum lost her job because of me and she pointed that out every day. Accused me of not keeping the promise, of keeping the secret between us. She cried and screamed every day, she pleaded to God why did this happen to her, to me?

Even now, she is at home in the same state. Crying, drinking and screaming. Destroying herself every day, punishing herself every day. But now she doesn’t accuse me, but she apologizes. Keeps throwing meaningless sorrys at me, as if that justifies her actions, her behavior and her neglect all these past years.

I’m standing in front of this building, this structure that is falling apart, it’s my house. It was the best we got. It’s an abandoned building, there is no electricity, just some cold water and no rent to be paid.

Entering, I see her laying on the dusty floor with a bottle in her hand. “Oh, you are home” she weakly laughs while lifting her arm towards me and then lifelessly dropping it down. Her voice was heavy, clogged up, eyes filled with tears.

My grip on the strap tightens, my breath fastens, and my eyes bore into her. I look at her, laying there, lifelessly and hopelessly. This is my mother. This is what is left of her, because of me, because of the mark and because of the society,

That damned people, they pointed at her, laughed at her, mocked her and slowly killed her. Now she is nothing. She isn’t anyone’s daughter, anyone’s wife, anyone’s sister, but she is my mother. And I’m not her son. I’m her biggest mistake, the cruelest thing in her life. Her biggest regret.

Stepping around her I get to my room, a small place with a half-broken bed and a wooden box. I put my bag down and look for some clothes to change into. Something comfortable, something comforting. There is nothing, except two torn jeans and a few shirts. I pick a grey shirt, it’s ripped, torn and used, but I like it. It’s soft, it’s meaningful.

I’m hungry, I feel the contractions of my stomach, begging for some food. Going into the supposed kitchen, there is nothing but darkness. Sighing, I use my phone to lighten the room, to look for something. There is a tomato soup can on the table, some rotten fruits on the floor and some expired bread. I pick the tomato can, the bread and an orange. My dinner for tonight.

At least I don’t have to take a cold shower now, I showered in school. I am glad I went to P.E. And just like that all what happened a few hours ago, just came flowing in. Shouting, crying and the hug. As soon as I entered the building it was like I forgot everything, like I got distanced from the world.

I don’t have work today. I don’t want to work. Do that despicable job, but it’s the only one that ignores who you are, what you are and just focuses on one thing: winning. It brings some money in, makes it enough for me to survive but then it’s wasted away by my mum. On alcohol and only alcohol.

I lay down on my bed, carefully, trying not damage it more or get myself hurt. There is a light bedsheet on it and I wrap it around myself, to protect me from the cold coming through the broken window.

The sun is out, but there is no warmth coming from it. I open my eyes and unwrap the sheet from around me. It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t change anything. There is no satisfaction, there is no stretching, every night is like a long blink and then it’s morning.

Without any fight I get up. I’m splashing my face with the cold water, every splash like a slap to the face. Putting my uniform on, I’m ready to leave. She is still on the floor, but now closer to the wall. She is sleeping or she is passed out, but she is unconscious currently.

School is 40 – 50 minutes away from here. It’s a long walk from here. Very unpleasant in this weather. Even more unlikable with the dead phone on me and no music to listen to. I will have to charge it at school. Thinking about that I start jogging slightly, to arrive there as soon to charge the phone.

I’m late, like always. I open the closed gates and start walking towards my first class, art. There isn’t a sound coming from the room, either they are sleeping, or they are very concentrated. Opening the door, I start walking towards the back of the class, but to my surprise there is already someone on my place. Yuta. He doesn’t look up, completely focused on his work. Without saying anything I sit in front of him, looking at the paint and the white canvas ahead of me.

I let my emotions take control of me, and without noticing I’m already filling the white canvas. The shrill bell rings, bringing me back to the reality. The previous blank and clean canvas is now ruined, tainted with colours. There is black, grey and red. There is no definite shape, just colours covering every corner of the canvas. But each colour represents something. Something of him, something of his life.

Looking behind my canvas, Yuta is still focused on his painting. Looking around, there is no one, everyone already left. So, I get up, my stool screeching on the floor and pick a cloth to cover this hideous painting. The air from the movement of the cloth seems to bring back Yuta ans as he looks up he gasps.

“When did you come?” Yuta says still gaping at Taeyong. “Is it already time to go?” he questions shocked. But, nevertheless gets up and covers his canvas as well.

I don’t say anything, except a small hum.

“It’s break time next, right?” Yuta questions still dazed.

Again, I don’t say anything, but just nod my head in response.

We do have a 25 minute break time, of which we have already wasted standing here. I pick my bag and start heading towards the door. I don’t wait for Yuta and he doesn’t stop me. However, I can hear him rushing behind me, trying to match our pace. I guess he isn’t giving up and is coming with me. But I’m not going to the cafeteria, I am going to the ICT room to charge my phone. I’m not allowed to be there but who is going to stop me?

“Is this another way to get to the cafeteria?” Yuta asks confused while looking around, trying to find anything familiar.

I shake my head and mutter to him “You can go back to get to the cafeteria.” Why is he following me if he doesn’t have any idea of where I am going?

Yuta shrugs his shoulder and tells Taeyong “I have food on me. But where are we going?”

I don’t answer him, I don’t need to. We are already in front of the door, so I push it open and hastily move to get my charger and plug in my phone. I need my phone and I can’t charge it at home. I am doing my thing, while Yuta on the other hand gets comfy on the wheeled chairs, ready to eat a snack. He doesn’t say anything, ask anything or mention yesterday at all. He also seems lost in his own world, while I am in my own.

There is a comfortable silence between us, neither of us acknowledging each other. I don’t know if that is a good thing, I don’t know if there is tension between us, awkwardness or embarrassment. But I feel comfortable. I don’t feel awkward, tense or embarrassed. But I don’t know about Yuta. Maybe, he is thinking about yesterday, the little melodramatic scene we or he pulled in the hallway.

Ting!

It’s my phone that went off. I’ve got a notification from Zuho, telling me about a possible fight next week. But I haven’t trained these past few days, and therefore its highly likely that I will get my ass handed to me. I will have to do something about it if I want to participate.

This is how I survive. I participate in these clandestine fights and get money from winning. I’m not the best or the strongest in the game, but I do it and I win it. I will have to start training. I have to win.


End file.
